I am 34 years old. I have been struggling with my weight for about eleven years. In 1998, I weighed 105 lbs and was lithe and happy, dancing for four or five hours twice a week, and completely thoughtless about my weight. In 1999, I became mother to a wonderful little girl, and my life changed completely. Dancing twice a week stopped, as well as most of my other activities. I moved away from everything I knew and loved to another state where I knew no-one.
I fell into a deep depression. I didn't bother learning my way around town aside from the local grocery and gas station for a year. At first it was just 'baby weight'. I I entered my pregnancy at 105 lbs, and went in to labor at 150 lbs. My doctors were pleased, because they felt I was underweight to begin - they didn't seem to understand that I ate heartily but also led a very active life that, coupled with a crazy metabolism, kept me thin.
After I had my daughter, I immediately dropped 30 lbs and was left a 'healthy' 120 lbs. Now, I was depressed, and I suppose that being depressed contributed to it, but I stagnated at that 120lbs for a while, then began to gain back the 30 I'd lost.
After a year of depression and rarely leaving my home, I got a job. being out in the public made me want to look good, and caused me to be more active, and I lost weight again, but having never had to make any effort about my weight in the past had left me clueless about weight management. I didn't change my eating habits - in fact, they got worse. Growing up, I'd eaten relatively healthy foods, and my mother had always managed to have two vegetables with every meal. As a young adult out on my own, with my raging metabolism, i was able to eat at Whataburger twice a day and it had no effect! Suddenly I was living in a household where Southern style cooking reigned - vegetables weren't even remotely prioritized, and carbs were abundant in every meal. I managed to lose a little weight, but never got back down to that 120 lbs of post-pregnancy weight.
In 2004, weighing 140 - 150 lbs again, I left my husband. I met someone new, and I lost a little weight during the intense honeymoon phase. But in 2006, I became pregnant again, and miscarried. My body was not pleased. I began to gain weight again. Later that year, I discovered I was pregnant again. By the time I gave birth to my second child, another girl, in July of 2007, I was 180 lbs. I tried to keep my weight down and yo-yo'd a bit, but when I found myself pregnant yet again in early 2008, I was 180lbs. After my son was born, I had a laproscopic procedure to have my tubes tied. I was around 200 lbs, and the heaviest I had ever been. Again, I tried losing weight, but failed miserably. Instead, I began to gain weight again, and ended up 245 lbs.
Last year, I began to take control of my body back. I started to take belly dancing lessons. I go twice a week when I can, and although my health rarely allows me to stay on my overburdened feet for the full hour, I do move my body in a healthy way for at least half an hour.
A couple of people at work pointed out to me that I was 'shrinking'. Ecstatic, and thinking that I must have lost weight, I finally pulled out the scales and weighed myself again: 245 lbs. You can imagine how disappointing that was for me!
They say that people who are trying to lose weight often 'plateau' - they get stuck at a certain weight or size, even when they are doing things right. I have been very frustrated by the plateau effect! They also say that fat weighs less than muscle, and that even though I was losing fat, because I am using and building muscle I didn't even know I had to begin with (belly dance is harder than one might think!), my weight is unchanging.
So that is why I've titled this blog Plateau'd - that is where I am. Stuck at 245 lbs, with no light at the end of the tunnel. It's one thing to say that muscle weighs more than fat - its another to prove it.
I hope to use this blog to just journal my weight loss path from here on out - to log meals, maybe post recipes, talk about habits I have that I need to change, and habits I need to develop.
I hope to blog here once a week, and every week I will pull out the scale and post my current weight.
We'll start next time.
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